By Brian R. Kenyon

God made marriage an inherent part of humanity’s creation (Gen. 2:18-25). Although Christians can be single and glorify God (cf. 1 Cor. 7:7-8), the foundational principle God stated still holds true, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). Wedding customs may vary from culture to culture. In each case, though, there is either stated or implied the idea of each spouse honoring the other. In present American culture, a typical wedding vow would have the husband and wife both commit to taking the other as his or her “lawfully wedded” spouse, with a promise to “love, honor, and protect or submit to” the other. This study will focus on the “honor” part of the vows.

The verb “honor” (from timao, τιμάω) basically means to regard, reverence; acknowledge the status of. It also can mean to set a price or value on someone or something (Mt. 27:9). This verb used in the New Testament sheds light on the way spouses are to “honor” one another. Jesus said to “Honor your father and your mother” (Mt. 15:4; 19:19; Mk. 7:10). Additionally, Paul told Timothy to “Honor widows who are really widows” (1 Tim. 5:3), and Peter said to “Honor all people … Honor the king” (1 Pet. 2:17). Jesus also acknowledged that honoring God entails an obedient heart, not just lip service, when He said, “These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me” (Mt. 15:8 cf. Mk. 7:6). Incidentally, as honoring relates to the Father, Jesus said to the Jews that “all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him” (Jn. 5:23 cf. Jn. 8:49). Both honoring God and receiving honor from God involve submitting to His Son’s will. Jesus said, “If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor” (Jn. 12:26). From this background study, honoring one another means to respect, value, and give the proper place to the one being honored. This certainly has implications to the vows spouses made to each other!

Respect

Jesus was determined to finish His work according to God’s will (Jn. 4:34). This is the same lesson He taught when He gave this truth, which has been misunderstood and offensive to some (cf. Jn. 6:60-66)

On the sixth day of creation, “God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness’ … So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Gen. 1:26-27). Later, Moses wrote, “He created them male and female, and blessed them and called them Mankind in the day they were created” (Gen. 5:2). It is clear that both men and women are created in the image and likeness of God. First and foremost, in honoring one another, spouses must respect each other as human beings, made in the image of God. Inherently, men and women are equal. That is, both are image-bearers of God; both have precious souls for which Jesus died; and both have the same access to salvation through Christ. mentally, men and women have different roles in the home. That is, “the husband is head of the wife” (Eph. 5:23), and “Wives” are to “submit to your own husbands” (Eph. 5:22).

Thus, not only must spouses respect one another for being made in the image of God, they must also respect one another as husband and wife. The main reason male and female roles get out of harmony with God’s word is because men fail to fulfill their God-given roles. This is why the immediate context of Paul’s discourse about women not having authority over men in spiritual matters begins, “I desire therefore that the men [from aner, ἀνήρ; gender specific] pray everywhere” (1 Tim. 2:8-15). To honor one another, then, spouses must respect each other as being created in the image of God and respect one another’s place in God’s arrangement of the home.

Value One Another

After naming the animals, Adam found nothing like himself (Gen. 2:19-20), but when Eve was brought to him, he immediately recognized her as “bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 2:23). He saw the inherent value in her that nothing else in creation could provide. Indeed, a spouse is extremely valuable! Furthermore, the wise man wrote, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies” (Pr. 31:10). The word “woman” can also be translated “wife,” as per Proverbs 18:22, “Who can find a virtuous wife?” Solomon wrote, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” The value of a spouse manifests itself here and in eternity. To honor one another in marriage, then, means to value the blessing of a God-fearing, loyal spouse. A husband must value his wife as his God-sent companion and helper in life. A wife must value her husband as a provider and protector of the home. God’s arrangement for the family is perfect and must be valued. When God’s pattern is properly applied, the home will be peaceful and influential.

Give Each His or Her Proper Place

After Adam recognized his newly created helper, he declared that “She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall … be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:23-24). Every husband must allow his wife to be what God created her to be. She is to be his helper, not his slave (cf. Gen. 2:18). Peter exhorted each husband to live with his spouse according to knowledge, “giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Pet. 3:7a). “Vessel” (from skeuos, σκεûος) can be used for the physical body (1 Thes. 4:4). Generally speaking, the wife is physically weaker. The husband, therefore, should take on the heavier burdens. He should make her life as stress-free as possible by fulfilling his role and going the “extra mile” (cf. Mt. 5:4). He must also give her the proper place in being a fellow heir to salvation (cf. Gal. 3:28). The seriousness of his responsibility is stressed by the statement, “that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7b)! Likewise, every wife must allow her husband to be what God created him to be. He is to be the “head of the wife,” and she is to “submit” to him (Eph. 5:22-24).

Conclusion

God-ordained marriage between faithful Christian spouses should be “the closest thing to heaven this side of eternity.” To make sure a marriage starts and stays this way, spouses must truly love God, love one another, and happily honor their vows!

Peter’s Instruction to Husbands

By Brian R. Kenyon

Husbands have a responsibility to their wives! Peter put it this way, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them [your wives] with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7). The word translated “dwell [live, ESV]” is from a word (sunoikeo, συνοικέω) that means to live with, live together. This word is found nowhere else in the New Testament.

Peter gave four ways, husbands are to live with their wives. First, husbands must live with their wives intellectually. The word translated “understanding [knowledge, KJV; from gnosis, γνωσις]” refers to knowledge; understanding or consideration (2 Pet. 1:5-6; 3:18). A husband must not only understand his God-given role as the head of his family (Eph. 5:25-33), but he must also know his wife. He must use every available tool, including the Bible, to help him get to know his wife (her likes, dislikes, etc.). Second, husbands must live with their wives honorably. “Giving honor [showing honor, ESV]” carries the idea of the husband showing his wife respect. He must praise the good character of his wife, like the writer of Proverbs, who penned, “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all” (Pr. 31:29). Third, husbands must live with their wives physically. “Weaker vessel [someone weaker, NAS95]” indicates, generally speaking, that women are physically weaker than men. “Weaker” (from asthenes, ἀσθενής) usually means sick; weak (Mt. 25:43; Lk. 9:2; Acts 4:9), but it can also mean delicate, as in parts of the body (Rom. 5:6; 1 Thes. 5:14). “Vessel” (from skeuos, σκεũος) refers to an object, thing (plural often goods, property); vessel, container, dish; instrument (Acts 9:15); one’s body or one’s wife (1 Thes. 4:4). The husband needs to “carry the physical weight” of the marriage by protecting his wife, providing for her physical needs, and making her life as less stressful as possible! Fourth, husbands must live with their wives spiritually. Peter’s declaration of their “being heirs together [fellow heirs, KJV] of the grace of life” indicates that wives are spiritual equals with their husbands. Both are made in the image and likeness of God (Gen. 1:26-27), and Christ died for them both (Mt. 20:28). Although they have different roles in the home (Eph. 5:22-33) and church (1 Tim. 2:8-15), both men and women will receive the same “grace of life,” if they are faithful to the Lord (cf. 2 Tim. 4:7-8; Rev. 2:10). Paul put it this way, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).

The seriousness of the husband’s role is seen in the ending clause, “that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7b). The word from which “hindered” (egkopto, ἐγκόπτω) is translated means to cut in on; prevent, hinder; detain (Acts 24:4; Rom. 15:4; Gal. 5:7; 1 Thes. 2:18). Sin is the only thing that hinders prayers (cf. Isa. 1:15; 59:1-2; Jn. 9:31)! Thus, not fulfilling these God-given ways in which a husband should live with his wife is sin (cf. 1 Jn. 3:4).